Baby Baguettes, whaaaa???

I have something to tell you.  And trust me, I'm as bewildered as you are.  This statement should probably have a confessional tone to it...  Deep breath:  I made non-edible, miniature baked goods for absolutely no reason whatsoever.  [opens eyes into orbs, awaiting your judgmental eyebrow raise]

And before you go thinking I'm one of those desperate stay-at-home moms who has the time to iron sheets, grow and mix my own organic baby food, and hang pictures on my walls, stop right there.  I was really busy.  In fact, I was going to be late for a meeting to talk to a guy about turning my l'il Etsy biz into a limited liability corporation, had sssick husby who may or may not have puked out his entire soul, and was lining up someone who wasn't dying to watch Jack, and I was like, "Nah, I have time to give my fake bread a coating of clear nail polish..."

It started out innocent enough.  I made Jack some salt dough to play with, which he immediately threw on the floor.  And staring at its plump little mass on the floor, my head cocked slightly to the side, and I'm sure I had the crazy eyes as I picked it up and began to mold it into.... miniature bread? And before I knew it, there I was, hunched over my baby baguette, giving it some dimension with a burnt sienna chalk pastel.

And that in itself probably wouldn't be that weird were it not for the fact that I don't think I've been more pleased with a creation since... Jack, maybe?  I mean, look at it, will you??  Just look at it!  (Side note: I realize now I should have included something for scale in the picture.  That adorable baby cinnamon roll is about the size of a quarter, squee!!)

The real problem here is that now I've got a taste for it.  [Not a literal taste. There's nail polish on there, remember?]  And who's to stop me from making mountains of miniature food until the wee hours of the morning???  No one.  I'm a grown-A adult and if I want to spend my time making baby baguettes, I get to.  Sucks to be you, kids.

Ch-ch-ch-Transitions - Turn and Face the Strain

Don't care what I do in my free time?  I'm going to tell you anyway:  watch countless videos on how to lay tile, of course!  Don't you, Weirdo?  In fact, I watched so many, I started considering myself a theoretical expert on the topic.  And that's dumb.  Don't do that.  It will make you seriously underestimate the time and effort involved in something.

So when we finished our hardwood floors, we didn't have quite enough planks to do the little hallway to the garage.  And optimists that we are (don't laugh), we said, "Well, tile would be better in the hallway anyway, since we (I) are always traipsing saw dust and other undesirable particles through the garage door."  So we wooded up to the hallway and until now, it's been a MacGyvered conglomerate of plywood covered by a carpet rug and linoleum...also covered by a carpet rug.  Carpet rug ftw.

-Insert non existent picture here.  Trust me, it was ghetto.-

But then after a GOOD deal of decision making (sorry, everyone who suffered at Lowe's), jerry rigging a contraption that would allow the borrowed tile saw (thanks, Lin) to cut tiles larger than was intended (thanks for staying positive and being smart, Joe), and what turns out to the be the, no kidding, ABSOLUTE BEST #1 activity in the world (i.e., grouting), I give you the tiled hallway!

And while it may not look incredibly spectacular, rest assured the effort involved was.  For instance, take this little hog here:

It turns out what I thought was dry wall was, in fact, metal when going to reattach this vent.  I don't want to talk about it.

And then, once the tile was finally laid, there were still transitions to do.  Picked this hardwood beauty up, got a stain to match as closely as possible, and it turns out it didn't fit into the gap I'd left as well as I thought it would.  More jerry rigging ensued, maybe a few wood chips in the eyeballs, more help from Patient Joe, a bent nail poker, scrumptious wood putty for the holes, and BAM.  Donezo.

And I think it looks pretty stinking good.  Ain't nobody tripping on that.

Lastly was the transition to the carpet in the closet.  This was terrifying.  I feel like handling tack strip  is almost certainly going to be the way I leave this world.  Or at least how I poke an eyeball out.  In the end, after some nerve-wracking decisions and the absence of a crucial carpet kicker, the deed was done.  And don't be fooled by that carpet rug on top of the actual carpet, that transition be seeeeeeeamless.  MmmmmmOK, when I was hammering down the tack strip beneath the carpet, I chipped the tile.  But once I filled it with sanded caulk, c'mon you hardly notice it.  Right?  Right??  It makes me want to take a dirt nap every time I see it :(

Anywho, in the end, I'm pretty pleased.  The grout helped cover up my not-so-straight tile lines (I noticed that Chris wrote on the label so it now says, "I am Groot.") and popping those baseboards back on covered my not-so-great edges, so you know...it's done.  And now only three bathrooms to go and we'll be a linoleum-free family.  I wonder if there's a coin or something for the one year mark...

Sssssslant Board

It turns out that flooring projects are inherently underestimated.  So while I'm finishing up such a project that I'll lament about later, here's another one that only took a handful of minutes:  homemade slant board--BAM!

A little background.  Christian's feet are jacked up.  Like this kind of jacked up:

More specifically, extreme plantar fasciitis that has required years of semi-cripplehood, shots to the heels (shudder), a podiatrist named Petersen (Uuum, he pronounces it PED-erson.  Someone should tell him that's a bit much.), and finally a physical therapist who necessitated the purchase of a slant board.  

BUT, it turns out that two planks of wood that fit together at a 30 degree angle are suuuuuper expensive--some over $100 bones, those wily thieves.  So we were like, forget that noise; we have a cornucopia of delicious saws and scrap wood that shall meet our footly needs.

SO, I pulled out the ol' Circular Saw of All Things Good and got to work.

I of course already had some wood, so I put the pattern I had sketched on some sssupple maple plywood, clamped her down (ps-Don't be a dummy (DAVE); always clamp down your workpiece when you're working with the number one culprit for finger amputations. Yeeeez.), and sliced it up.

After adjusting a bit for my thicker wood, I double checked this hog was at a 30 degree angle -the magic foot angle- and like I said:  BAM.  Slant board for like $2 and 15 minutes.  Eat that, manufacturers of slant boards!

Chair-a-palooooza

The end of porch desolation is upon us!  Christian built a twinner Adirondack chair, I built us a lemonade table (only supports glasses of lemonade--I build specific, baby), throw in some rather loud day lilies in the foreground, and bada-BING:  summer porch chair-splosion of maybe-semi-epic proportions!  No more will tumbleweeds roll sadly over our decrepit porch.  No more will our butts search aimlessly for a place to rest.  Just try not to be distracted by the insecure lilies or Jack's fingerprints on our very filthy shutters.

So a little process here...  I didn't have a plan for the table, so I sat in the finished chair and mimed putting a glass of lemonade on a not-yet-existent table, got an eyeball height measurement, and went to town.  And by town, I mean Home Depot, which is in town.  Anywho, would you believe it ended up looking something resembling a table??
We get a little clampy-clampy here...

 And then BAM!  Table.  Also stool when not sporting beverage.

Aaand then, Auntie Debbie wanted some chairs for her front yard, so then this happened:

 And though our chair friends were only with us for a brief time, I thought I should capture this chair camaraderie before they were sent to their new family.  Good times.  A spot for many bottoms.

P-p-p-peg board and dreams come true

You probably thought I'd fallen off the bloggin' wagon, huh? (blaggin' wagon? Minnesota accent? Stop it? Ok.)  Well you'd be wrong, Grace.  I blessedly had a big ol' increase in Etsy activity, so I've been cutting away oodles of signs for folks.  And you know what I realized?  Sawdust and wood debris gets every. where.  And at first it didn't really bother me, because things were accessible and I was in a busy tizzy, but finally Chris was like:

And I was all:

But the man made a good point.  And as soon as creepy-crawlies get involved, that tips the scales hard core (I guess ants like sawdust...LOTS of ants like sawdust...like more than I've ever seen in one place ever.. And you know, when you wake up from a nightmare thinking millions of ants are all over you, it's time to clean the garage).

So the cleaning began and since I have so many cool garage goodies now, there just wasn't enough space for them on the shelves.  And the answer???  Why, peg board, of course!

And good heck, I wish I'd known how cheap and easy it was earlier.  All together, this cost us less than $25 bones and took maybe half an hour to put up there.

You find them studs and screw in some 1x2s (cut to fit with the tremendously delicious and helpful DeWalter White the miter saw - pictured below. Isn't he adorable??).

 You have Christian hold up an entire 4'x8' sheet of pegboard by himself while I screw it in (and try dropping some screws to add to the excitement!  Men love to hold heavy objects while you fumble with a drill. Trust me.)

 And then voila!  I feel like I have my own little store out there now, like I've always dreamed of (I begged my dad to construct me a little store front from age 7-10. It was to be called Sam's and it would have made the Fortune 500 by now, I know it.).  I kind of want to stock it with candy, too..  I think all well-rounded shops have candy..  Just grab my nail gun and some Haribo frogs and have a great day, you know?

I Built Something to Sit Upon... An Adirondack Chair!

Our front porch scene has been sorely lacking in, well, everything (I just can't get into wreaths...?  Is that a question?).  But especially a place in which to place one's bum.  SO, why not put our massive tool accumulation to work and build a freaking chair, right???

It all started when a customer wanted a wooden sign for his business bigger than my scroll saw could reach.  This "necessitated" the purchase of a jig saw, which "necessitated" the purchase of saw horses.  But the ones at Home Depot were $19 A PIECE (that's the equivalent of 38 candy bars, for heaven's sake) and were kind of sad looking.  So since I have an awesome cousin who gave me a bunch of scrap wood, I built these puppies for freeeeezies, which is a special feeling, Lloyd.   (And PS--how liberating to be able to make signs as big as a house if needed...or I suppose as big as a sheet of plywood...reign it in, Sam.)

So I found these sweet-easy chair plans from ana-white.com (who is, no kidding, an inspiration), had long-lost Dane give me some drill tips for dummies (thanks, Dane; you're an inspiration, too), and got to work. 

And a couple hours and only some mild frustration later, we have something that resembles a chair!  And that jig saw came in handy in removing sharp-corner-eye-poking possibilities and adding sweet, sweet style to a square chair.  (Also, forgive our super messy garage..we have yet to clean up after our wood install..)

 And then I made that pose from the second season of FX's Justified because I felt so cool.  I unfortunately did not look as cool as I felt.  Maybe it's the stroller behind me..

 Christian and I debated on whether a cherry or dark walnut stain would look better, and I'm feeling prrretty good about how the walnut turned out.  Also, it took forever to get every nook and cranny.

 And there you have it.  One accessory to a big, sad, and lonely porch.  But Christian will probably make another chair to match (awwww, cute - His and Hers porch chairs, right?).  And I'm thinking maybe a little matching table for our cool glasses of lemonade...  That never happens.  But you never know...now that we have A porch chair...
PS--If you were wondering--amazingly comfy, it being made of wood and all...

Finished Hardwood Heaven

I meant to post about our finished hardwoods several weeks ago, but the house hasn't been presentable enough for an after shot until now.  It's a curious feeling to be putting toys and junk away while a baby is simultaneously taking them out from the other side...every few hours...every single day... and the existential musings ensue...  

Anywho, I'm a big sucker for before and after pictures.  Particularly the home improvement variety.  So these yummy hardwood floors are just step one in my evil master plan to give our house a facelift.  Soon to come are wainscoting, fresh paint, crown moulding, and actual home decor, weee!

So without further ado, here are the before pics one more time, featuring sad, bubbly linoleum and copious amounts of tragically tan carpet:

And after a good deal of pleasurable power tool usage, some mixed feeling about destroying perfectly adequate carpet, and only occasional swearing (hint: 99% of that didn't come from me...), I give you das hardwood!

 Is this how you place an area rug?  I have absolutely no idea...  This isn't even mine..

And we stinking love it.  It really classes up the joint.  And it surprisingly makes it feel bigger, too--I think that's because we removed the line separating the threshold from living room to kitchen, and the little entryway square.  

And then, since we need to pop that base moulding back on, I got to buy yet another power tool (evil laugh).  And this cordless nail gun ranks up there among my favorite new toys.  It's just scrumptious and did a great job.  And I always used to think, "Why do people bother filling in the nail holes?  Nobody looks down there anyway, and they'd be super tiny.."  But I get it now.  It looks like little bugs on there, which I clearly cannot abide.  So I got some niiiice practice in with a caulk gun, got those nails filled in and the seam along the wall looking prrrrretty good, I'd say.

The main downside with dark floors is that crumbs show up real easily.  And let's say you have a baby who likes to throw 99% of his food on the floor, this would hypothetically equate to sweeping several times a day.  Hint: Baby Jack throws 99% of his food on the floor :/  Grumble grumble grumble...  But we're pretty happy phase one of master plan is finito!